one thing i know is this.

I'll TRY to get out of this country and i'll NEVER GIVE UP.

i hate it here. i don't want to adapt to all the shit. i plan to get out of it. Unless i can change the surrounding, i plan to go somewhere nicer where i can also be of need but feel alive and happy. Not having to deal with people who are ignorant, rude, uneducated, hateful, violent and evil. I'd rather be not so rich too. Well at least rich enough for me to do what i love ! and to live!

Wishes and Dreams.:

1) Live in a great country.

2) To have a job that i'll enjoy and be able to support myself financially 

3) To be able to travel to all the places i want to go and do all the exciting adventurous trilling things!

4) To meet a wonderful interesting special crazy beautiful man and fall in love.

5) To motivate and help others who needs.

6) To be able to look after my parents, or give them enough to be happy doing what they want to.

Well now today, i feel that God hates me. My life is crap. and that i cannot be honest with myself but pretend to always enjoy the circumstance and shit no matter how shit it is. And if i don't God will forever let me stay in this. and that If i don't pass this test, and end up being happy, He won't give me what i want. He will always let me be unhappy and miserable. 

But i guess i have to break out of this mindset. That he will love be even though i hate life, the things im going thru and thinks some decisions i made i shit. and Even as i hate this place now. He still love me. And even if i am totally selfish and all that, He is still a giver of Life. I give up.

I really don't know how to live anymore. I really pray that Italy will be a dream. I really really really pray and HOPE JESUS. that you will give me a better brighter hope and future there. I really cant take it here. i really dont want to live here. ever...